Change Your World-NOT your Body

Saturday, December 9, 2017

UnStraightening Lesbian: Removing the Heterosexual Lens Next Series

The next set of Het women we are unSTRAIGHTening for this series are as follows: Rita Mae Brown, Adrienne Cecile Rich, Sheila Jeffreys, Julie Bindel.

Rita Mae Brown is most known for Rubyfruit Jungle, her warped fictional(?) account of consensual familial incest (with male cousin)-PRO-INCEST turned "lesbian" and not the Lesbians who look men and are ugly kinda Lesbians. Rita Mae briefly dallied with the Lesbian separatist group The Furies who Homophobically preached Lesbianism is not a matter of sexual preference, but rather one of political choice (one prefers coffee to tea-Homosexual BIOLOGY isnt a choice!). From there Rita Mae was involved with Lavender Menace-a man hating "radical lesbian" off shoot of NOW. Rita "just me" Mae later dumped Lesbian when it was no longer edgy/profitable and today writes applesauce mysteries lapped up by bored Het women.

Adrienne Rich is best known for her poetry and her later Radical Feminist diatribes, one of which spawned the over used phase by Radical Feminists-Compulsory Heterosexuality. Privileged academic Adrienne (I was stuck fast in an emotion common to women of our time, that can turn them bitter, or Lesbian, or solitary) Rich turned Lesbian some years after her Husband of 17 years, producing three children, committed suicide. But thanks to warped feminist sexism, Robin Morgan didnt view Rich as the Monster she did Ted Hughes. Hmmm...funny that!

Sheila Jeffreys, like all Hets in this group and to quote Julie Bindel "abandon Heterosexuality and her feminine appearance" (hmm still looks Het/feminine) when she found Radical Feminism. Besides teaching, Jeffreys wrote/spoke extensively on other STRAIGHTBIANS whose differently warped sexual proclivities didn't pass Jeffreys frigid muster, mimicking Het dynamics too closely for her tastes. Jeffreys is equally known for speaking/writing against Transgenderism. Not because she is against the medical damage necessary for transition, but again because Transgender mimics Hetero roles too closely, damaging women/women as a class.

Julie Bindel is a RadFem journalist who focuses on Het women's issues; violence against women, prostitution, pornography, human trafficking etc. She briefly came out swinging against Transgender/transition but when confronted by trans males, quickly went back to her Het women interests. She is a huge proponent/promoter of many STRAIGHTBIANS featured in this series and STRAIGHTBIANS in general. She routinely states with full Het privilege and Homophobia intact that Lesbianism is a choice and biology means next to nothing, unless speaking about male violence! THATS different!

We will begin working on this next group asap, probably in the order above, any input is welcome as usual.

Dirt and Mrs Dirt

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Monday, December 4, 2017

When Muffy Met Sally-STRAIGHTBIAN Times Deux

Professional poker players are HYPER aware of each of their opponent's tells. Tells being minute near imperceptible clues that give away a player's hand. The more perceptive the poke player, the better able to read their opponent's bluffs or good hand. Tells serve different people, at different times, for different reasons, IF you know what you're looking for.

Like any prey species in nature, Homosexuals are born intact with intrinsic defenses to both protect ourselves from Homophobic Hets AND to successfully find each without getting killed. The Industrial Revolution/modern technology has unfortunately watered down our intrinsic Homosexual gifts. Obviously the work Mrs Dirt and I are doing aimed at helping Lesbians reinvigorate dulled Lesbian senses necessary for survival/partnering continue to stir STRAIGHTBIANS/Het women throughout the world wide web. 
STRAIGHTBIANS everywhere are AFRAID! What if their Lesbian girlfriend unSTRAIGHTens them?! What if the career they have built on Hetsplaining Lesbian is called into question? Or worse, what if their weak core, plastered over with lesbian lesbian lesbian no longer has Lesbian pillars with which to hold it/them up?
Below are more recent examples of STRAIGHTBIAN panic/STRAIGHTBIAN lies, clearly festering for sometime-but rather than simply contact Mrs Dirt or myself to resolve perceived issues, they blow up/over emote/manipulate situations that only occurred in their minds-these are all PRIME examples of Het female thinking/over emotionalism-(but remember Lesbians-Het female over emotionalism is THEIR brain's norm-so for them, it isnt over emotional-but it is to Lesbians)...In no particular order, just pay close attention to my comments within each frame, they will help make sense of the Hetsplaining:


The behaviours above clearly arent Lesbian, (and they most certainly are not FEMINIST) by the very nature of the Lesbian brain, it would be IMPOSSIBLE for a Dyke to act this STRAIGHT even if she tried! Mean girl syndrome isnt a syndrome you will ever find a Lesbian participating in. Lesbians dont block/hide behind closed doors and bitch and moan about others, women or men. A Lesbian, even shy ones, will confront directly using clarity and intelligence. The shortest distance between two points after all IS a straight line!

Lesbian readers, where and when you see/experience situations with females who seem to flip out over seemingly nothing, who claim situations occurred that didnt exist, who dissect other females based on anything physical and whom start/participate with other females in junior high bitch sessions? You are dealing with a Het brained female-no matter what she's labeled herself!

Beware and be safe. STRAIGHTBIANS may have us out numbered, but our unique Lesbian biology is there to protect us. TRUST it!

Dirt and Mrs Dirt

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Sunday, December 3, 2017

Assorted Straightbian Subtypes: Part 2: So Many ASSes

As a follow up to our previous post entitled Assorted Straightbian Subtypes: AKA the Seven ASSes, we wanted to follow up with 2 other subtypes of Straightbian, both of whom may likely have significant overlap with some of the previously described 7 subtypes.

Additionally, although this should go without saying, obviously it needs to be said anyway, based on comments we have received:

Of course, some just-plain-straight females (not Straightbian posers claiming to be Lesbian, but straight-up heterosexual females) may share characteristics that fall into one or more of these archetypes. That makes sense, since both just-plain-straight females and Straightbians share a VERY important characteristic: THEY ARE STRAIGHT, but always remember: we are never going to be talking about straight women unless they are impacting upon Lesbians in some way

So, before you comment, "I know a straight female who likes Tarot", please stop and remember that unless she is a STRAIGHTBIAN, we are not talking about her, nor denying her existence. She is simply irrelevant to this topic.
 Without further ado, here are 2 follow-up ASSes to add to our previous Assorted STRAIGHTBIAN Subtypes:

8). White Picket Fence and 2 Children In The Suburbs Straightbian: The White Picket Fence (WPF) Straightbian just wants to fit in, to be "normal" (in the eyes of society), yet still retaining her Straightbian status due to her own pathology.

This Straightbian will say that there is absolutely no difference between herself and her soccer-mom neighbor, except who she is in a relationship with- (and, actually, she is right about that...because they are BOTH STRAIGHT!).

"We're all the same", White Picket Fence loves to say, "Why label people?" Because "Love is Love", after all! "We're all human, why create all of these unnecessary divisions?", WPF thinks, shaking her head.

The White Picket Fence Straightbian loves this cup and carries it everywhere because, gosh darn it, we are all just HUMAN, now aren't we?:

The White Picket Fence Straightbian cares very much about appearances and fitting in with society's expectations.

She is in a relationship with another female (either another White Picket Fence Straightbian or a Lesbian who can pass as Straight) but, by golly, she and her partner are going to FIT IN OR BUST:

House in the suburbs? Check!
Golden Retriever? Check!
Volvo? Check!
Casually rumpled, but subtly elegant, decor? Check!
White wedding? Check!
2 adorable children? Check!
Picture-perfect holidays? Check!
Roth IRA and 401K? Check and Check!

On social media, she will call herself something like "just2mommies2kidsand1goldenretriever"; she will follow only others exactly like herself, "eschewing" any real Lesbians who point out that Lesbians are actually different than straight women. So darn divisive!  LOVE IS LOVE, after all...
BUT she is not a Lesbian.

8a). Relatedly, a sub-sub (-sub...?) type of the White Picket Fence is the Sunshine and Roses Straightbian, who is an emotionally-fragile straight female who uses relentless, sugary-sweet positivity to completely escape/avoid dealing with her own issues that have led her to mistakenly believe she is a "Lesbian".

Sunshine and Roses was perhaps physically, emotionally, and/or sexually abused as a child; or at least had a chaotic, disturbing home life while growing up. She likely has had very bad previous experiences/relationships with past boyfriend(s)/husband(s).

Sunshine and Roses is desperate to escape not only those bad situations, but also all of the heavy emotional baggage that she carries from those situations.

In fact, she has stuffed that baggage down so far that she actually mistakenly thinks she has left it behind.

On social media and in real life, Sunshine and Roses "eschews" all negativity and strives to keep herself forever insulated from real-world unpleasantness. Her social media posts are likely predominantly inspirational memes and/or cutesy GIFs and/or dreamy "Peace, Love, and Harmony" sentiments, and/or heartbroken laments about "Why is there so much strife in the world?".

Sunshine and Roses may not even attempt to embark upon a relationship, preferring to call herself a "Lesbian" (or possibly "queer" or "LGBTQQIAAP+") without the pesky reality of dealing with another fallible and not-always-positive human being. She lives in a fantasy world, perhaps fantasizing incessantly about an idealized version of a particular singer, actor, book, movie, TV show, author, etc. She may read or even write happy-ending fan fiction to erase the unpleasant reality of how an actual storyline turned out.

Sunshine and Roses is likely to unfollow or block anyone on social media who she perceives to be "negative" or "crass" or "unpleasant" in any way. She surrounds herself with beautiful objects and frantically attempts to create harmony in a world sadly lacking it.

Sunshine and Roses is not a bad person. In fact, she is typically a good person who has been dealt a very bad hand in life. BUT she is not a Lesbian.

8b). The Urban Version of the White Picket Fence (WPF) STRAIGHTBIAN:

Like her suburban counterpart, the Urban WPF Straightbian just wants to fit in, but with a very different crowd.

The Urban WPF doesn't want the actual white picket fence of her suburban counterpart's dream...no, of course not, because that would be just too common for Urban.

No, the Urban Straightbian wants something more edgy, more "in":

Renovated loft in an old cigar factory? Check!
Assorted popular/up-and-coming Artists/Actors/Authors/Directors/Designers/Etc. as friends? Check!
Being the cool moms at the most exclusive private school available? Check!
Invitations to the most exclusive events in town? Check!
Season tickets to the local alternative theater? Check!
An amusingly pretentious Chilean chardonnay chilling for the farm-to-table dinner party? Check!
Offspring named Jayden, Ayden, Cayden, or Brayden? Check!
Transgender child? Check! 
Roth IRA and 401K? Check and Check!

BUT she is not a Lesbian.

9). Mean-Spirited Unbalanced Faux-Feminist Yahoo (Muffy):

Muffy often overlaps with many/all of our previous 7 Assorted Straightbian Subtypes. In fact, Muffy has likely at least been all of the subtypes at one point or another.

Muffy loves and uses social media with a vengeance. And "vengeance" is the key word here, because Muffy is one angry, hateful harpy. In fact, in her social media bios, she proudly claims to be a/an "angry, hairy Lesbian", "man-hater", "virago", "shrew", "Patriarchy-smasher", "radical Lesbian", "angry feminist", "Lesbian separatist", "woman-identified-woman" (or womyn or womon or wimmin or wimms...or any other ridiculous misspelling) and/or some similar descriptor.

On the surface, Muffy may seem to be the polar opposite of Sunshine and Roses, but these two subtypes share many common denominators; the difference between them is exposed in how their underlying issues are expressed in opposite ways. Instead of internalizing/repressing her anger/angst (as Sunshine and Roses does), Muffy externalizes her rage, spewing her hatred outward in an incessant vomitous torrent, reminiscent of the pea-soup scene from The Exorcist.

Muffy doesn't just wait for trouble to find her on social media; oh, no, not Muffy. She goes looking for trouble and when she doesn't find it, she creates it, usually by seeking out Trans males minding their own social media business. Muffy will dump a hefty shitpile on a Trans male's social media account, then when said Trans male reacts, Muffy will claim to all who are listening that SHE has been attacked! Muffy will  use these instances to convince her friends, but most importantly convince herself, that men are bad/men are angry/men are violent. Like the Transgenders she claims to hate, she too needs constant reinforcers to prove her own held warped notions of herself as Lesbian.

Like a trigger-happy bounty hunter, Muffy is always on the hunt for people she finds offensive, and when she inevitably finds someone who dares to say something she disagrees with, she tries to blow that person away with her high-caliber nastiness.

In her quest to destroy her perceived enemy/enemies, Muffy completely "eschews" all logic, listening skills, and literacy, opting instead for sheer unadulterated, completely illogical, meanness.

No insult is too low nor off-limits for Muffy. Muffy hits below the belt and is proud of it. Despite claiming to be a "feminist", Muffy regularly insults other females' looks, clothes, hair, makeup (or lack thereof), weight, age, marriage, choices, profession, ideas, words, work, etc., etc., etc. She calls Lesbians "men" without a single thought, nor care, in her venomous, vitriolic, vapid head about the potential effects of her words.

Muffy LOVES using inane memes/GIFs in the heat of battle, apparently not realizing that her memes/GIFs are as lame, illogical, nonsensical, and ineffectual as she herself is. She will then throw at least a few red herrings into the discussion, saying untrue things that make no sense whatsoever, and have nothing to do with the conversation at hand, but are intentionally designed to try to make the opponent(s) look bad and to distract from the fact that Muffy has no coherent argument. (Examples include falsely claiming that the perceived opponent(s) is/are: racist, sexist, misogynist, rape-apologist, perverted, pedophilic, etc.).

Finally, despite having deliberately sought out and started/continued the argument herself, and, despite having said absolutely false, defamatory, and despicable things to her opponent, Muffy then pretends to be the victim in the situation, falsely claiming that the other person is "bullying", or even "stalking", her. And Muffy is not above or below using a fake suicide attempt to garner sympathy and support, thereby completely nullifying any further arguments.

She will then enlist other Muffys to attack, berate, harass, block, defame, exclude, and/or report her perceived opponent(s), while basking in the shallow, brittle "sisterhood" and feel-good-for-a-minute attention afforded from being The Perpetual Victim Of The Patriarchy.
BUT she is not a Lesbian.

Rinse and repeat, ad nauseum.

While some STRAIGHTBIANS are clearly more dangerous to Lesbians in the individual sense, even STRAIGHTBIANS who partner with each other are dangerous to Lesbian as an idea. STRAIGHTBIANS are collectively responsible for taking the flesh-and-blood Lesbian and turning us into nothing more than an IDEA which they, warped Het Woman, flesh out through their own individual pathologies! Pathologies the Psychiatric community, for centuries have documented, diagnosed and demonized. Pathologies accepted by Het society as truth/God's word. Heterosexual Pathologies widely and readily attributed to actual Lesbians, haunting our relationships with family, friends and strangers even, all with long held preconceived IDEAS forged by STRAIGHTBIANS!

But Lesbian isnt an IDEA, we are flesh, blood and bone.

Dirt and Mrs. Dirt
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Saturday, November 25, 2017

UnSTRAIGHTening Lesbian from Social Media's Plethora of STRAIGHTBIANS

In our ongoing Lesbian Quest to UnSTRAIGHTEN Lesbian from the monumental lies Het women/Radical Feminism has blanketed over Lesbian biology/Lesbian childhood/Lesbian experiences and Lesbian lives, we routinely encounter Het female oppositional hatred that patterns itself like clock work, regardless of the Het women involved. Just as Het women/Radical Feminism wove their harebrained Hetsplained notions of Lesbian over Lesbian biology in effort to smother Lesbian reality/preserving theirs, we can only slowly peel back the Het layers one at a time. All that to say, this is another layer removed, giving light to Lesbians where shadows have stood far too long.

The examples used in this post are not to single out individual Lezbophobes, but to continue to highlight for Lesbian readers the patterns with which Het females erase/use/abuse Lesbians as humans and Lesbian as their personal/political commodity. As we have been documenting in our UnSTRAIGHTening Lesbian series; Het women (often under the cult of Radical Feminism) have defined/dominated all aspects of public discourse/dis/ease and ideas about what Lesbian means/is to the total exclusion of actual Lesbians!

What happens to Lesbians that refuse to swallow hollow Hetsplanations of Lesbian? We are usually first met we disbelief. A kinda did they just say Lesbian is biological? What? Huh? Followed quickly by rationalizing their warped Hetsplained notions of Lesbian by declaring Lesbians mad/crazy etc. For example:
Further illogical disjointed ramblings often continue such as:
Lesbian biology is then Hetsplained as an attack on all women/scary/dangerous etc. Het women want to call themselves Lesbian without being associated with actual Lesbians. Actually Lesbians are treated/viewed the same as perverts and pedophiles:
 This could be something STRAIGHT out of the DSM or Mary Daly:
When Lesbians talk about our own Lesbian childhoods we are often met with the sex obsessed sickness that is soooooooooo Heterosexual:
There is no excuse for this kind of sick perverted Het female logic; being a baby Lesbian, a toddler Lesbian or a baby Dyke have nothing whatsoever to do with "eating pussy", which by the way is the hallmark for Het females claiming Lesbian! Every Lesbian adult EVER has been a Lesbian infant/toddler/grade schooler and teen! Lesbian isnt something we magically achieve via sex with another Lesbian! That would be like saying unless Heterosexuals are engaging in sex, they are not Het. Pure fucking HETEROSEXUAL ignorance and perversion!
 
While Het women pretending to be Lesbians claim they are of sound mind, we're told, as actual Lesbians living normal Lesbian lives that we are perverts. Like Transgender minded individuals/groups, Radical Feminists individual/group think entitles (Het privilege) them to ignore nature in favour of choice; anti-essentialism is the hallmark of Radical Feminism and Transgenderism.

But the pesky reality of Lesbian biology unmasks Het Women's Lesbian delusions, about themselves and their victimfied imaginings of the big bad patriarchy who wont let them do anything! Lesbian is the wrench in their bullshit ideas of garbage like compulsive heterosexuality and social constructionism!

As Lesbians stand our biological ground, Het women usually then go for the proof beyond ANY and ALL proofs (in their Het minds) of what makes a Lesbian a Lesbian: Same sex SEX:
Obviously when you're actively deceiving yourself and those around you, and your identity is created on action instead of being, you have no foundation with which to stand. Therefore when challenged/confronted with biology/nature/logic by Lesbians, Het women will then go for the call-Lesbians-a-man card often mixed with illogical insults usually directed at our age or looks: (so feminists!)
 
Lesbians, when confronted with Het women/RadFem Lesbian lies and ignorance, if you choose to engage/defend Lesbian biology/history watch out for these very common patterns described above. And if you're new "lesbian radfem" friend/follower shows ANY sign of Lesbian is a choice bullshit, she is NOT your friend or ANY friend of Lesbians! BEFUCKINGWARE!

Dirt and Mrs Dirt

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Monday, November 20, 2017

Gay FTM Gay Transmen-Telling the Myths from the FACTS

This blog has long been inundated with quips and comments (where/when none were even warranted) about "gay transmen"; you dont know what you're talking about I'm a gay transman/how come you never write about gay transmen/thats not true of gay transmen. You get the picture. This post then, is to simply address the myths and clarify the truths about Gay Transmen.

Lets first answer the BIG question-Are some Trans Females (transmen) GAY? Before answering that question, let me clarify what Gay means-Male Homosexuals. Since biology is everything, that means male children created homosexual once a specific Y sperm meets a specific egg. Yes. Homosexuality is THAT simple. Therefore biologically speaking, no Female can EVER be Gay, period-end of story-or rather it should be. But unfortunately, emotionally damaged individuals complicate the world, and with the advent of Transgender surgeries/drugs meant to fix Homosexuals and perverted cross dressing Heterosexual men, those complications are now off the chain!

So while taking into account there can be no real Gay Trans Females (transmen), I'll address how females (homosexual and heterosexual) come to identify their feelings/behaviours before and after transgender drugs (cross sex hormones in high dosage) as Gay.

I'll begin first with Lesbians who transition. Prior to cross sex hormones Lesbians (regardless of how they identify) clearly act/react/process information/experiences definitively as Lesbian, including attractions to other Lesbians (and Het females if snowed by Heterosexual culture-which unfortunately most of us are). Lesbians who suffer with Heterosexual Female Dysphoria (fear from a very young age of becoming Heterosexual/acting Heterosexually female), who for additional varying reasons embark on transition will initially consider themselves Straight (males). Once on high doses of the cross sex hormone testosterone, as testosterone begins to masculinize their Homosexual Female brain, they begin to have attractions toward actual males (their brain remains Homosexual). Some Homosexual Trans females may experiment with sexual relations with Gay males, some may not. But with a severely heightened sex drive, more do experiment than those who do not. Given the vast majority of Lesbians who transition are mid-range Dykes, like non trans mid-range Dykes, they eventually pair off with each other. Meaning mid-range Dykes who transition couple with other mid-range Dykes who transition. Some of these Lesbian trans females will call themselves some form of gay or queer, some like their non trans mid-range counter parts will simply say they are just-me-transmen.

The more complicated Gay Transmen are clearly Heterosexual Females who transition. Het trans Females will often identify as gay or queer prior to taking testosterone. They may even have a male boyfriend before/during transition. Interestingly, their boyfriends will rarely/if ever alter their Heterosexuality to suit Het trans female partners. Once Het trans females are on testosterone for a period and their Het Female brain begins masculinization, their attraction will begin to shift to include (if they havent already) other females. Some Het female trans may change their gay or queer sexual marker to bisexual or trysexual or even pansexual. Depending on their natural femininity, as testosterone masculinizes their body, Het trans females will appear to some degree queenie/effeminate, even if physically fit. Testosterone's masculinization accentuates their Het female femininity, so even if they achieve full facial hair and a muscular body, their feminine lilt is ever present.

There has long been an incorrect assumption that Het female transition is rare, this is because Het trans females in past decades have incorrectly identified as Lesbians prior to transition. While we havent written a great deal about this type of STRAIGHTBIAN, they do exist and in fair numbers. This group of Het trans females are a combo of sexual abused and/or dominant right brain-ness or both. Being Het females, sexual abuse will cause them to act out hyper sexually before transition, increasing during transition. During transition, sexually abused Het trans females may dabble in porn, or full out choose pornography as a career. Most sexually abused Het trans females along with incorrectly identifying as Lesbian prior to transition, will also be heavily into tattoos and body modification. They also may be cutters and have issues with eating disorders. Transition may for a short time distract from cutting or EDs, but transition does not fix these issues. Transition for sexually abused Het trans females is either an attempt to alter their body to such a degree they remove themselves (in their mind) as sexual objects for men or depending on their psychopathology they may strongly identify with their male abuser/his power, and they seek to replicate their male abuser/s, often becoming rapists/abusers themselves. It is common to see prior to transition, Het females (STRAIGHTBIAN) while still in their lesbian phase, coupled with another Het female (STRAIGHTBIAN) when one will transition first, and the partner will soon follow. This particular group of gay transmen, because they are Heterosexual and do not have a history with Homosexual culture are highly at risk for HIV and other STDs.

But regardless of whether Homosexual or Heterosexual, Females both come to transition from a place of pain. Sadly, transition never delivers them from their anguish.

dirt

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Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Assorted Straightbian Subtypes: AKA the Seven ASSes

We have written about Straightbians many times before, and we have even delineated some Lesbian Warning Signs You Might Be Dating A Straightbian and Portraits of a Straightbian, but we wanted to do a specific post about the seven primary specific Straightbian subtypes who, collectively, are the bane of Lesbian existence. There may be significant overlap between these subtypes, yet each of these Straightbian archetypes is easily recognizable as a discrete entity.

 
Without further ado, we present to you the seven main Assorted Straightbian Subtypes: (AKA the Seven ASSes):

1). The Woo-Woo Goddess: Everybody knows a Woo-Woo Goddess. She will read your tarot cards or your tea leaves. She is no stranger to runes, the I-Ching, unicorns, incense, herbal tea, soy candles, prisms, numerology, astrology, channeling, or rainbows. She speaks in awe of The Universe And Its Unknowable Mysteries. She wafts by in a voluminous dress, as if floating on a veritable cloud smelling vaguely of Patchouli. She might be a massage therapist or Reiki master; or perhaps a Spoken Word Poet, frequently performing in indie coffee houses across our Great Mother Earth, typically accompanied by an acoustic guitarist playing folk music that always sounds suspiciously like Phoebe's Smelly Cat. That is, when she is not attending the Drum Circle with her feminist group on the first Wednesday of the month, or her "Healing Crystals And You" support group at the local Raw Food Cafe on Tuesday evenings. She's always been into Yoga but, lately, she has to admit Pilates is becoming a close contender. She recently heard about Rebirthing Breathwork Therapy from her psychic friend, Shamrock Clover, but sadly, she later discovered that it is just too expensive for her to do at the moment. But it's certainly something to dream about in the future, though, because it would be sooooo very nice to reconnect viscerally, even if just for a fleeting moment, with her mother's vagina, returning symbolically to the Great Cosmic Mother, if you will. She will just have to stick with Rolfing for now. Closely related to, and may overlap significantly with #2: The-Straightbian-in-the-Woods.

2). The-Straightbian-in-the-Woods: The-Straightbian-in-the-Woods is the stereotypical all-natural, organic, vegan Earth Mother. She picks her own mushrooms, sips wheatgrass smoothies, and presses her own cashew milk to pour over her hearty morning breakfasts of chunky granola, poured into her own handmade pottery bowl, fired right here in her very own kiln at The Farm, where she proudly hosts the annual "Womyn's Week At The Farm" (AKA The Ye-Olde-Renaissance-Fair/Womyn's-Music-Festival-At-The-Farm). She toyed with macrobiotics at one point, but found it to be a fleeting affair. She slips on her all-vegan Birkenstocks and sashays to the nearest pasture whenever the sudden need to howl at a full moon overtakes her, as it often does. She makes crafts out of pine cones, twigs, acorns, moss, feathers, rocks, and, when she is particularly reveling in her femaleness, her own period blood. Her favorite craft is the "Dream Catcher" which she sells on her Etsy shop, despite the effect that shipping has on her carbon footprint. She tried making rainbow flags with dyes hand-crafted from fruits and vegetables, but sadly, the colors bled together and she was left with no alternative but to recycle them into tie-dye bandannas. She macrames and recently acquired a loom. She "eschews" shaving her armpits or legs, uses only rock salt deodorant, and, of course, uses an all-vegan menstrual cup, feeling that au-naturale is the only way to go. Clothes made of hemp are her staple, although she occasionally flirts with burlap. She may dabble in Wicca, sometimes casting a benign spell or two...for World Peace and Equality, of course, with some Prosperity thrown in for good measure. After all, Earth Mama needs her Ani DiFranco CDs, now doesn't she? (They aren't going to buy themselves, that's for sure). She is a womon-identified-womon (or womyn or womin, depending on her mood and menstrual cycle), well, at least for now, and if she weren't currently a Straightbian, she'd be giving birth (all-natural, naturellement) at this very moment, squatting in the shallow warmish natural creek in the bend by the old oak tree. Despite her current "identity" as a "Lesbian", The-Straightbian-in-the-Woods intuitively senses that there's still time to fulfill her true destiny: marrying a hippie-dippy pacifist liberal male in a sunshine-speckled field of daisies, then popping out plentiful progeny, who she will then proceed to "spoil" every year at their birthdays with her own special, homemade, hand-crafted, no-sugar, all-natural, all-organic, locally-produced, sustainably-sourced, non-GMO, fair-trade, vegan, raw-food, smelt/oat/raisin/hemp bars (in lieu of an actually tasty birthday cake). Closely related to, and may overlap significantly with #1: The Woo-Woo Goddess.

3). The Academic Straightbian Susie:  The Academic Straightbian Susie (AKA the biggest ASS of all) is the absolutely worst subtype of Straightbian. She knows absolutely nothing about Lesbians, yet, with shocking heterosexual privilege, nonetheless blithely publishes copious falsehoods about Lesbians without ever understanding the irony.  The Academic Straightbian Susie publishes alleged "Lesbian research" without ever having the basic common sense to realize that her subjects are NOT Lesbians, just as she herself is NOT Lesbian. Those pesky actual Lesbians need to shut up and let her speak for them, she thinks whenever she encounters actual facts which are contrary to her strongly held theories. After all, she is the one with the Ph.D. here! That should show them who knows more! For crying out loud, she's almost-most-of-the-time-sometimes a Kinsey SIX! Forget about mentioning she's been twice PUBLISHED in the prestigious Icelandic Journal of Queering the Gender Construction of InterSEXionality in PostModern Society read by at least a whole three people! What do blue-collar Lesbians know about their own lives anyway?  They are too busy actually being Lesbians to study such critical academic Lesbian topics as "political lesbianism" and "Queer Theory". Certainly blue-collar dykes could NOT possibly know nearly as much about being a Lesbian as The Academic Straightbian Susie has learned by reading books/articles by other Academic Straightbian Susies and by conducting her very own academic "Lesbian focus groups". She speaks haughtily, yet earnestly, of nonsensical concepts like "compulsory heterosexuality" and "gender theory" and "The Patriarchy". She even uses terms like "intersectionality" and "eschew" with a straight face. She heartily subscribes to radical feminist theory and may even be a  well-known "pioneer" in the feminist movement. Some older Academic Straightbian Susies may bear a shocking resemblance to Maude (see #6, below). They "eschew femininity" (and men!) while incorrectly thinking that doing so makes them a Lesbian. The Academic Straightbian Susie, in summary, hetsplains Lesbian from her ivory tower with a bizarre, toxic mixture of arrogance and ignorance...never understanding, nor caring, how her multitudinous lies and delusions damage real Lesbian lives.

4).  The High Femme AKA The Queer Femme AKA Some Straightbian Idiot Wearing Kitten Heels: We have covered this territory before. More than onceThis Straightbian asshat is the one who most people mistakenly think of as a Femme. The High Femme won't venture from her scarlet satin-filled abode without full makeup and perfect hair. She is meticulously groomed, shaved, moisturized, and perfumed at all times; always ready to tap her long, fire-engine-red fingernails in growing impatience when she doesn't get her straight-privileged, demanding, whiny way. She may wear fishnet hose, miniskirts, and stilettos in the misguided notion that actual Lesbians will drool at the mere sight of her. She makes no secret about loving Victoria's Secret. She is hypersexualized and attempts to use her hypersexuality as a weapon. She (mistakenly) believes that Dykes think/act like males, and attempts to manipulate Dykes with her hyperfeminine wiles. (Some naive Dykes might even be flattered by her insincerities). She gives Dykes back-handed "compliments" about how "manly" we are. In fact, she will even "support" a Dyke into an early grave by encouraging her to transition. A subtype of the High/Queer Femme is the no-longer-body-oppressed Fat Femme AKA The Fat Queer Femme. Most FQF's begin their Queer lives as Fag Hags, till they're demoted by their favourite Fag Brian after he gets a steady beau. Heart broke but hopeful, FQF's survey their Queer landscape till they set their sights on a Dyke. Assured their Dyke prey will date them cuz Women aint like those subjective oppressive objectifying men! Dykes have to date Fat Grrls! But Fat or Thin, make no mistake, this is a very sinister Straightbian. Underneath her perfectly coiffed exterior lies a twisted sister.

5).  The Very, Very, Incredibly Special Snowflake Straightbian: This Straightbian is so very, very, incredibly special...one might even say "precious". Nobody in the history of humankind has matched her level of uniqueness. She strives to be different with every piercing, every tattoo, every mohawk (or, alternatively, dreadlocks), every rainbow hair dye, every body modification -- often modifying herself into virtual unrecognizability from her real plain-Jane heterosexual self. This Straightbian didn't feel loved as a child, and doesn't love herself now, despite her frequent panicked protests to the contrary. Her social media bio reads like a liberal's wet dream, sprinkled liberally with words like cis, queer, pansexual, aromantic, non-binary, "identify as...", and they/them pronouns (or, perhaps she needs to be even MORE special with pronouns: maybe choosing ze/zir, or if she is feeling particularly frisky: tey/tem/ter). Despite her over-fondness for such descriptors, she "eschews" labeling herself. Labels are for losers, she thinks. People as special as she simply defy description! S/he-they-tey-ze live "outside the box"/"outside the binary". So, she wouldn't ever call herself a Lesbian nor even a Bisexual (because, Goddess Forbid, those monikers are just soooooo NOT "special" enough and may imply some sort of exclusivity), yet she qualifies as a Straightbian because she fucks with Lesbian lives in many and various ways; including, but not limited to, actual fucking. The Very, Very, Incredibly Special Snowflake Straightbian speaks of her "inclusivity" and "tolerance" and proclaims that mere frivolous things like biological sex/genitalia wouldn't prevent her from exploring sexual relationships (Translation: If it moves, she will fuck it...Or, rather, she would at least claim she would be open to doing so). She may even get published in allegedly "Lesbian" publications, but most certainly NOT because she is a Lesbian...rather, because she is the opposite, the anti-"Lesbian", the post-modern "Lesbian", if you will. Some might say that she would be yesterday's goth, but, gosh, goth is just so yesterday now, isn't it? Gotta keep pushing those boundaries, don'tcha? Eventually, The Very, Very, Incredibly Special Snowflake Straightbian may even go where no Straightbian has gone before: In her ongoing quest for the final frontier of Specialdom, one day, she may become so very blindingly special that she will actually transcend human form in a final stunning blaze of glory; a Straightbian supernova of monumental proportions. Until that day, she will remain a wart on the ass of collective Lesbianism...but hey, at least she's a very special wart.

6). The Midlife Menopause Maude (AKA The Triple M): The Midlife Menopause Maude is a late-comer to the Lesbian world. The Triple M has spent 2(+) decades married to a male, where she fulfilled her true heterosexual duty by popping out a couple of varmints. Now, menopause looms; her kids are in college; her husband, Richard (who "eschews" the nickname Dick) recently bought a red Corvette and is now casting his lecherous eyes upon his 20-year-old administrative assistant named Alex; and The Triple M feels her eggs shriveling up inside her more quickly than a Shrinky Dink in a toaster oven. She now casts a disparaging eye around her now-barren world and realizes there's got to be more to life. Heck, she's still semi-young. 50 is the new 30, right? Right? She used to be interesting! She used to have her own apartment in the city! She was going to be a writer, wasn't she? Or maybe an artist. Mixed-media, of course: using found objects, upcycled into collages, to be shown at a nice little wine-and-cheese gathering at the local art gallery on a brisk February evening. What happened? Where did all of the years go? When did she stop being a person and turn into a wife-n-mommy? She knows the answer: It's The Patriarchy who is at fault. The Patriarchy sucked the life right out of her, then spit her out, just when she was no longer juicy. Fuck The Patriarchy! Fuck ALL Men! Who needs men anyway? They can't even find the damn ketchup in the refrigerator, for Christ's sake, when it's right there on the door, beside the mustard and the relish, where it's always been. Men are disgusting anyway, aren't they? Didn't Richard scratch his hairy ass on her brand-new Ethan Allen sofa while watching Monday night football and eating nachos just last week? The Triple M isn't going to stand for it anymore. She can do better than this. She should do better that this. But what? How will she ever escape from the hum-drum drudgery that her so-called life has become? Oh, snap! That's it!  How did she not see it before? She can "become a Lesbian"!  Didn't she just read an article in Cosmo about how "sexuality is fluid" and how many straight women are now "coming out" and finding true love with another female in their 40's and 50's?  Well, she did take a shower that one time with her college roommate. Granted, it was a large communal shower at a youth hostel in Italy during her junior-year summer abroad, but that counts, doesn't it?  Maybe she was a Lesbian all along! Yes, that's it! For sure! With straight-privilege fully intact, the Triple M barrels headlong into "becoming a Lesbian". She reads and reads and reads, books and articles by Academic Straightbian Susies. She joins Twitter and proceeds to tell actual Lesbians how they should be Lesbians. She cuts her hair and throws out her high heels. She burns her bra. She "eschews" make-up because SHE WILL NO LONGER SUPPORT THE PATRIARCHY. Well, maybe a little mascara and lipstick sometimes, but that's it. No more blush or creamy foundation for her! No, sir. There's no need for that wrinkle cream that costs $285 for a mere ounce anymore either, now that she is thinking about it. She will EMBRACE her wrinkles. She is a Proud Crone now. Heck, she will even dare to wear purple! That will show The Patriarchy who's boss now. She will make The Patriarchy her little bitch by "becoming a Lesbian". "Hahahahahahaha", she cackles in an increasingly hysterical tone, "hahahahahahaha"!

7). The Engineer: This Straightbian might not be an actual engineer, but she could have been. Should have been. Even if she doesn't engineer as a career, she engineers as a way of life. She is logical, organized, and efficient. She runs a tight ship. She likes to be in control of the money in the relationship, because, after all, let's face it, she would always do a better job at it than that actual Lesbian she lives with. In fact, the Lesbian she lives with is downright careless with money, consistently ordering the chicken walnut salad at Panera Bread when it's so obvious she should have brought her own chicken and walnuts along in reusable ziploc bags to garnish a plain side salad, thereby saving an average of $4.23 plus tax per salad per trip! (Duh!). The Engineer Straightbian says she likes animals, but the truth is, she likes the thought of animals and the attention she gets for having pets, but not the actual daily upkeep of said animals. Too messy and inefficient for her taste, if the truth be known. This type of Straightbian often actually mistakenly at some point believes she is a Lesbian; because, after all, she has been different than her female peers ever since she can remember. She never was a "silly little girl"; she never ran around in circles and squealed like a banshee like her peers. She never went "boy crazy" in adolescence either, preferring chemistry or calculus. She naturally "eschewed" makeup, because: why spend money on such frivolous items? Seriously, just think about it: if she took that $143.18 that her girlfriends spend, on average, on a single trip to Ulta, she could invest it in a sensible municipal bond and pretty soon, she would be on her way to early retirement. So, when she heard the Lesbian narrative of "always feeling different", she thought, "Huh. Maybe that's me". Sure, she still notices a handsome male, and she may even make off-handed comments to her puzzled Lesbian partner about it: "That weather guy on Channel 4 is such a handsome fellow, isn't he? I bet he would make a really good husband". Her mother always tells her that she isn't really a Lesbian, that she just thinks she is because of what her "Uncle" Edmund did to her in the closet during her 4th birthday party, but she doesn't listen. Her mother clearly doesn't know what the Hell she is talking about. She LOVES her Lesbian partner, after all...doesn't she? Well, they never have sex anymore, and they barely ever had sex, even when they first met, but that doesn't matter, does it? Of course, she occasionally uses her sleeping Lesbian partner's hand to masturbate with, but she's not sure that would count as "sex", since her partner is always unconscious at the time. Anyhow, having mutual sex just isn't a priority; there are so many other factors in a relationship, after all. They have plenty else in common. They play video games together, for instance. That's fun, isn't it? And her Lesbian partner does drive her all over town on Saturdays to pick up craft materials, so there's that. They have a good life, she tells herself, a busy life. And: So what if all of her girlfriends are having babies while her biological clock is tick-tick-ticking away, an ominous ever-present metronome in the background of her seemingly perfect Lesbian life? Let her friends change those poopie diapers. The money she is secretly socking away from the Lesbian's paychecks, combined with all the money she is NOT spending on such nonsense as diapers and Legos, will definitely put her on the path to early retirement. Then she'll have much more time to spend watching that handsome weather guy. Heck, by that time, he will probably be the anchor on the evening news. She just knows he would make a good husband...

dirt and Mrs. Dirt
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Sunday, November 12, 2017

UnStraightening Lesbian: Removing the Heterosexual Lens: Mary Daly

Last up in this segment of our UnSTRAIGHTening Lesbian series is Radical Feminist theologian Mary Daly; who with Heterosexual privilege firmly in place, self identified as a "radical lesbian feminist". Using her Het privilege, Daly (unsuccessfully) tried to wrench Lesbian from its very foundation-biology, for her own sick, selfish and warped purposes.

Daly was especially secretive about her parents/childhood outside of stating they were avowed Catholics. Given Daly's rabid foaming-at-the-mouth hatred of Men, coupled with her desperate worship of Radical Feminism, we feel it safe to say that sexual abuse dangled somewhere in her background. Daly being a more right brained Het female, sexual abuse would have warped her differently than we see in the general Het female population. Daly having a more rational Het female mind, channeled her pathology through her own religious philosophies/Radical Feminist ideologies.

Teaching was perhaps Daly's one true love and her main financial system of support, she taught at Boston College from 1967-1999. She wrote various works of non fiction, all circling around that which circled around Daly's mind; God/religion/Women/Radical Feminism and Patriarchy. Like prior RadFems discussed in this series, Daly was filled with a seething jealousy and hatred of males. A hatred so viscious, it seemed at times (in her writing for sure) to tip Daly off her fragile kilter.

Mary Daly wrote much of removing patriarchal "roles", yet was fired for not wanting to teach to male students in her class. Classes where she was tenured GOD and could seemingly enact whatever non-patriarchal atmosphere she so choose, she chose NOT to teach males and lost her position. What better controlled situation than your own personal classroom? A perfect chance each semester to test her RadFem theories, to treat her entire class as equals. To prove each and every time that if equal attention and opportunity were given to both males and females, female students would fare better if not superior to male students. Mary found out like most Feminist minded Het female teachers find out, biology isnt destiny, biology actually trumps destiny! Mary had to throw the baby out with the bathe water because no amount of scrubbing would ever remove the baby's DNA. Losing her job was the equivalent of an ostrich with its head in the sand.

Despite Mary-crazy-for-coco-puffs-Daly identifying as a Radical lesbian Feminist, Mary never held any romantic interests in any woman, Lesbian or otherwise, in fact Daly despised Lesbians-more on that shortly. First some general quotes (in no particular order from no particular works) from Daly just to give readers an idea of her mental cognisance:
Daly hates collective man, the man in the pulpit and the man in the street, but it didnt stop her from piggy backing on the backs of patriarchy! Which honestly, Mrs Dirt and I could give two shits over, but robbing from Lesbians, the gloves are off on that!

Mary Daly's Hetsplained version of Lesbian

What is a Lesbian according to Daly?


I PREFER Heterosexual females NOT to use Lesbian to describe themselves for ANY reason, but unlike them, as a Lesbian, Mrs Dirt nor I have the Het privileged LUXURY that Mary Daly/RadFems/STRAIGHTBIANS have! Oh and Mary hun, if you're listening from the great beyond, I dont "relate genitally to women", and I've never heard of any Lesbian who does. Frankly Mary? I dont even know what the fuck that means!

Moving on to another of mother Mary's Lesbian gems:
Because Mary Daly was a Heterosexual brained female invested in her own Hetsplanations of Lesbian, she could not see nor understand even where some Lesbians were pressured into straight relations, unlike her, those Lesbians still thought/processed/felt and functioned Lesbian. Mother Mary could ONLY view real Lesbians through the narrow hole of a vagina. Real Dykes are relegated by Mary Daly to the same status as "porn peddlers, pimps and priests". (Side note-Mary falls flatly on her derriere in a Freudian slip when adding priests as genital fixaters.)

Mother Mary's Lesbians are WOMAN/WOMON/WOMYN IDENTIFIED and are FAR superior to us genital relaters:
WITHOUT BEING HER "LOVER"...Mother Mary clearly has ithues around genital couplings, her Lesbian exists where it can be controlled best, the imagination:
Mary STEALS from Lesbians, but from other like minded STRAIGHTBIAN/RadFems (Sinister Wisdom), she borrows! Coincidentally Sinister Wisdom aka Spinster Stupidity is STILL trying to bilk Dykes out of our hard earned mulla. Lesbians, DO NOT DONATE A SLUG NICKEL OR A SLUG PERIOD TO THIS STRAIGHTBIAN ZINE! SW was/is ran by/produced by and only includes works by a long list of STRAIGHTBIANS!
Now back to our regularly scheduled post...Mary Daly's despicable sex obsessed loathing of Dykes extended well beyond the pale, right down into the heart of Homosexual equality:
Mother Mary's narrow minded Lesbian ignorance lead her to think that Lesbian equality (Dykes fighting for our equal rights) would take "Lesbians" away from her man hating STRAIGHTBIAN separatist campaign, and Mary makes no bones about the hierarchy SHE assigns real Lesbian "merely gay". 

Despite Mary Daly calling herself a Radical Lesbian Feminist, she wrote relatively little about Lesbian, the last thing we'll quote by her we quote in full, giving Lesbian readers the opportunity to feel some of the depth with which Mary Daly DESPISED Lesbians:
Mary Daly wasnt a man hating Lesbian, she was a man hating Heterosexual. And we wont argue that maybe (in fact we suspect totally) Mary had good reason to hate some men. But hating men, and choosing to channel your energies toward women doesnt make you a Dyke. Mary Daly went BEYOND that though, she chose to SHAME Lesbians who were not HER Lesbian, i.e. frigid spinster hags! Mary Daly even tried to SHAME Lesbians from seeking equal rights, especially the right to marry!

Hetsplaining Lesbian as we hope readers are beginning to see, has a HUGE long line of felons and while it is hopelessly impossible to unSTRAIGHTen every single one, we hope that by dissecting the worst criminal offenders, Lesbians will begin to better recognize offenders in their own personal lives.

We have received in comments several other requests for this series, please continue to give us names you feel should be unSTRAIGHTened from Lesbian for future posts!

Dirt & Mrs Dirt

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